When we think about what’s valuable to us, we often think about material things… our home, car, investment portfolio. We think about business success. We think about getting praise… getting the credit… all temporary things. But we should value relationships above results; the process above the product; what’s “God-made” above what’s “man-made”; serving others above being served; giving others credit above receiving the credit; investing in people above investing in things. Why? Because these are what will last. And if we value them, then we’ll receive the kind of satisfaction that no amount of money will ever buy.
We have been encouraging my father to collect old pictures and put captions on them to preserve our family memories. We want to share them with our kids and grandkids. What about you?
Well before you dig out your old yearbook and start telling “in the good old days” stories about yourself, change your course. Get out videos and photos of your children when they were little. Make it an event. Pop some popcorn, gather everyone together and go back in time. Pass around photos, watch those videos, and talk about the cute and special things your kids did when they were small. If you can, focus on one child at a time and have a special viewing night for each.
On this Fourth of July, let’s go back to 1776. On that day, 56 men signed a document that would change the course of the world. It says, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. That they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”
Those are the words of Thomas Jefferson. Do your children know the story behind the signing of the Declaration of Independence? Do you? Take a break from the fireworks and cookouts to talk with your kids about the people of the past who secured the freedom we enjoy today.
What does modesty mean? That is a good question to ask your sons and daughters. It is especially good to address this if you have a pre-teen daughter. “All the girls at school are wearing these, why can’t I?”… “It’s my body; shouldn’t I decide what to put on it?” These questions reflect the timeless struggle between teen girls and their parents over the issue of modesty. This issue is more critical than ever in today’s society, where pre-teens are encouraged by the media and peers to act and dress years older than they actually are. Everywhere you look, young girls – whether in real life, on television, or in advertisements – are dressed in ways that emphasize their sexuality and, to be blunt, degrade the value of female character. This makes for a good conversation and you might be surprised on how much your daughters agree with you. They just need to hear it.
Research is showing that self-control may play a tremendous role in a child’s future success. Psychologists have done tests with children who could either have one marshmallow now, or two a little later – if they were able to wait. In later years, a follow-up study revealed that the children who were impulsive and ate the first marshmallow right away scored more than 200 points lower on their SATs than the impulse-controlled children who delayed gratification in order to get a second marshmallow. And the children who waited did better in school, were considered more dependable later on as adolescents, and better able to deal with stress and frustration.
Helping our kids learn the value of saying “no” to themselves while they’re still young might just help them achieve a greater measure of success in their adult life.
The benefits of eating together will last long after your meal ends. Studies show that families who eat together regularly are less likely to have children who smoke, drink, do drugs, become depressed or develop eating disorders. Their children eat healthier meals, do better in school, and are more likely to delay becoming involved in sexual relationships. Sure, the dinner table is where food is served, but it’s also where conversation is shared, values are conveyed and a sense of belonging is established. Make family meals a priority at your house.
Good advice for teens:
Teens and Summer: Work Time or Play Time?
by Laura Polk
|Summer is finally here! The sun. The sand. The vacays we’ve all been waiting for. But in our house, while we like to take it easy and go lightly on the daily scheduling, it’s also a known fact with all of my kids that the year they turn 15 is the year they will begin working. I know, I’m a horrible mother. Or, so it would seem in this day and age.
But, because I worked as a teen and know the work ethic that arose from that experience, I want my kids to have the same. If for no other reason than I can then stop telling them about how I’ve worked since the age of 13, about that summer I weeded tobacco fields in North Carolina, and about the time I was a waitress and a woman tried to put her cigarette out on my hand. If they have their own life lessons, they are much more effective than mine. (In case you’re wondering, they are collectively rolling their eyes as I type this).
Allowing our teens another summer with nothing but sleeping in and hanging out isn’t doing them any real favors. But, getting a summer job will help tremendously with the following:
It’s like, you know, not texting, lol. Success in real life demands communication skills. We all need to learn how to deal with others in public, how to communicate respectfully, and how to know when to speak out and when to hold our tongues. Summer jobs are a great way for teens to experience all of these work lessons without putting too much on the line. They are also a good life lesson for a generation that hasn’t had to use verbal communication as much as the rest of us, or even had to use basic writing skills. Watch them ROFL when you tell them it’s time to get to work.
Your teen will soon find that not every parent makes their child have a summer job. In fact, it seems that most don’t these days. So, you might get some push back as to the “fairness” of it all. But trust me, as soon as they receive that first paycheck, they’ll begin to understand the satisfaction of accomplishing something on their own. They’ll see that—for maybe the first time in their lives—their age doesn’t hold them back from accomplishing something great. The sacrifice they make will be worth the new sense of pride they gain.
With summer jobs fewer and farther between for teens, those who have been encouraged to work will likely have to make a serious effort to find something. Which means those kids will begin to stand out from their peers when it comes time to apply for college, technical school, or full-time jobs. And for many of our kids, as the age for many part-time jobs has risen to 18, younger teens will have to get creative or hit the bricks in ways they didn’t expect in order to find something. Learning to hone your skills and sell yourself as a good potential employee is a skill they’ll use for life.
Handing your teen gas money like it grows on trees makes them begin to believe that you are their go-to cash cow. And while it might be fine in the beginning, they will soon get use to whatever amount you are willing to give, expect that as “their” money, and likely push you for more. Nothing teaches the value of money like your teen working hard for an entire hour only to realize they’ve barely made a handful of dollars. Suddenly, the 20 dollars you hand them for gas will seem like the gift it actually is.
Okay I’m not totally heartless. I also believe that summer is about fun, and relaxation, and getting in some good old-fashioned downtime while we can. Because let’s face it; our teens will be out of our homes and into the working world soon enough. So do them a favor as they approach their mid-to-late teens and expect them to work. You’ll soon begin to see them edge toward adulthood in the best possible way.
Laura Polk is a writer, speaker, and textile designer residing in North Carolina with her three children. Since becoming a single mom, her passion to minister to this group has led her to encourage successful single mom living through The Christian Single Mom on Facebook. Follow her journey through her blog or get a glimpse into her quirky thoughts and inspirations for design and writing on Pinterest.
Publication date: June 21, 2016